Love. It’s something I hardly think about. It never found me and I never went looking for it. So, me and love? We’re just… distant. Out of reach. But sometimes, it sneaks into my thoughts—when I watch a rom-com, flip through a book or scroll through Pinterest, seeing all those picture-perfect couples. Even people around me, caught up in this thing called “love.” And I wonder: Is there really one perfect person out there, like some cosmic puzzle piece made to complete me? That can’t be real, right? Yet, so many swear they’ve found their soulmate, like they’re destined to find that “one person” convinced that someone, somewhere, is waiting just for them.
You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love… I love… I love you
- Pride and Prejudice
The idea of soulmates has been around for centuries. In ancient Greece, Plato wrote about humans being split in half by the gods, forever searching for their other half to feel whole. In various cultures, the concept of finding “the one” has been tied to fate, destiny and even spiritual beliefs. Movies like The Notebook or Twilight reinforce the idea that somewhere out there is our destined match, waiting for us to find them. But in the real world, does this idea hold up or is it just a romantic myth?
For many, the concept of a soulmate is tied to fate. People believe that everything happens for a reason, including meeting the person they’re meant to spend their life with. Japanese culture believe in the “red string of fate” a mystical cord that connects two people destined to be together, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. This idea can feel comforting—knowing there’s someone out there who’s made for you. But I don’t fully believe in it. This may have been reinforced in ancient times due to the concept of marriage, which is a long-term commitment. By popularizing the idea of soulmates, it may lead people to choose their partners under the impression that they’re fated to be together.
If soulmates are truly destined, how do we explain the fact that most people end up with someone from their same background, religion, or even hometown? Is it fate, or is it just the result of living in the same environment? The concept of pre-destined love starts to feel shaky when you realize how many people marry those they meet through proximity, shared interests or simply convenience. Are they all not living with their soulmates then? This would imply that half the population hasn’t met their soulmate and has paired up with the wrong partner.
Come on, you can't tell me the guy living across your neighborhood is your soulmate. The possibilities are endless. If the soulmate theory is real, your soulmate could be the one male in the Andaman tribe—across the world.
I can’t help but roll my eyes at couples online showcasing their picture-perfect love lives, only to announce breakups the next day. It’s kind of funny and embarrassing to think about. That’s why I don’t put too much blind faith in someone; if they disappoint you, you’ll be the one left embarrassed. Keep your love life private.
On the flip side, maybe soulmates aren’t found but made. Relationships are built on trust, shared experiences and the choice to grow together. Think about couples who’ve been together for decades. They probably weren’t destined to be together from day one but over time, they became each other’s soulmates through mutual effort, love and support. In this view, a soulmate is someone we choose and build that deep connection with. No one is destined to be with you, which can be a hard pill to swallow for those of us who dream of finding “the one.”
Society plays a huge role in who we meet and eventually fall in love with. Most of us end up dating or marrying someone with similar values, interests or even the same cultural background. This doesn’t make them a predestined match; it’s just the result of us gravitating toward what’s familiar. Over time, these shared values and experiences can build a bond so deep that it feels like fate, but in reality, it’s built on the choices we make along the way.
Maybe it’s both? Perhaps we meet people by chance, like a serendipitous encounter but the choice to turn that person into a soulmate is ours. We might meet someone and feel an instant connection but what truly makes them our soulmate is the journey we embark on together, the hardships we face and the love we choose to nurture. From a psychological perspective, we could be wired to feel that “soulmate” connection after deep emotional bonding and commitment.
So, is it destiny that brings us together, or is it the work we put in that makes someone feel like "the one"?
Personally, I believe the idea of a soulmate is more about choice than fate. We meet people all the time, but the ones we choose to invest in, grow with, and stand by through thick and thin are the ones who eventually feel like soulmates. Thinking there’s only one person for us puts a lot of pressure on relationships. This explains the heartbreak when the person we think is “the one” ends up breaking our hearts into pieces. Realizing this early on helps me prepare for the unexpected. I won’t put all my expectations on someone I meet. To me, love is about finding a “best friend,” with the lust being an added bonus. I don’t imagine my life partner as someone extraordinary; they’ll simply be someone I spend my life with, however long they’re willing to stick around.
It's funny how I've never really imagined or put much thought into my “love life”. My priorities are focused on being in a better financial position, pursuing my dream in astrophysics and just living my life as it is. It's baffling that I've never once thought about my future partner.
When we think about it this way, our romantic relationships become less complicated, potentially saving us from heartbreak. It’s less about finding the perfect person and more about choosing someone and making the relationship work, no matter what.
In the end, whether soulmates are fated or created might not be something we can ever prove. But what’s clear is that love and relationships are more complex than simply finding "the one." They’re about effort and compromise. So maybe the real question isn’t whether soulmates are destined for us but whether we’re willing to choose someone and make them our soulmate. Because, at the end of the day, love is less about perfection and more about persistence.
We complicate romantic relationships by placing too much importance on the idea of soulmates. If it were truly meant to be, there wouldn’t be so many instances of infidelity in long-term relationships. There’s no such thing as “the one”; it’s just our “delulu” at play, fueled by disney movies and rom coms that lead us to believe everyone has a soulmate. There’s a reason they’re called “fairy tales.”
And it’s okay to be alone. Just don’t go searching for love or your soulmate. You’ll meet people every day (even if I’m just rotting in bed). If you enjoy their presence, then just enjoy it. No one will truly stay with us for a lifetime; they might get bored or drift away. We humans aren’t used to sticking with one thing for too long; we crave change. People might change, they might cheat and the possibilities are endless. Don’t set expectations on that “one.” Just go with the flow. Love isn’t complicated; we are.
ps: ugh how I wish soulmates were real…
More than soulmates being real, it's just a matter of both people liking each other enough to make things work. A lot of people just like the excitement of the courting phase and want to run when things become difficult.
So true, Janani. ✨
I also believe that we make soulmates by choice and it’s not something that’s predestined.
Especially in India, where a lot of emphasis is given on arranged marriages, where most of the times, both of them don’t even know each other. Does that mean, they have lost their soulmates? No, they understand each other eventually and remain together forever. ✨
I believe that finding ‘the one’ can never be fulfilled in our lives.
As always, such a great topic and an even greater post to answer that. ♥️