boxes are for stuff, not people
on why it’s time to move past the lazy thinking that puts people into predefined boxes.
When I was in primary school, I was mostly in my own world. I wasn’t one of those hyper kids who were constantly running around the classroom. While my classmates were being typical 9 year olds (noisy and full of energy), I’d be quietly revising or doing homework. When the teacher walked in and saw the chaos, she’d say things like, “You all are the worst class I’ve ever taught.” You all? What did I do? I was minding my business, staying quiet but because of the majority’s behavior, I was lumped into the same category. This wasn’t just a one time thing. It happens to all of us, all the time, in so many ways. Just because a group behaves a certain way, we get generalized. And honestly, it pisses me off.
Gender, race, religion, nationality, astrology, personality types, attractiveness, you name it. These labels have their uses in society for things like politics or medicine, but in everyday life where we're supposed to be humans? They're just boxes we put people in. This has been a problem for ages. Women are this, men are that, people from this country act this way, followers of that religion behave like this, it’s all so exhausting!! It divides us.
Every group thinks highly of themselves: I’m right; I’m better than you. Or they play the victim, saying everyone is attacking me. We’ve lost our sense of individuality1.
We all have our own minds, our own perspectives, but that’s only true for the first few days of our lives (from the day we're born). After that? We’re programmed. If you’re a girl, there’s a list of things you should and shouldn’t do. If you’re a guy, there’s another list. Your race? There are rules for that. Your parents’ religion becomes yours. Your life is pre-scripted before you even know what choices are. Some cultures even predict a newborn’s future with astrology, determining their career path, when they should marry and so on. It’s wild!! We’re born as humans—just humans—but the next day, we’re shoved into boxes we never chose. And we just go along with it, living like this till the day we die.
Even now, labels like ADHD, autism, and other diagnoses are plastered everywhere. Medically, they’re very important, but some people cling to these labels as their entire identity. It becomes who they are. It's like we all are boxed in 100+ categories and our whole life we are becoming them.
My point is: we’re all so stuck on these boxes and labels. The stereotypes. The generalizations. It’s like none of us realize how idiotic it all is. We’ve been divided for so long. And now, even with all the knowledge and education we have, we can’t seem to break free.
I wanted to write about this because recently, I saw some horrible comments left by few men on few women’s posts on this platform. And the response? All I saw were rants about how “men” are this, “men” are that. It left a bad taste in my mouth because when you say "men," that includes all men like the ones in my life (my dad) who are nicest people. It includes Hasan, Mahdi, Anthony, Chris, Ritwik and many more who I met here. So when I read these generalized statements, I feel uncomfortable. Funnily enough, when I was still using x (aka twitter) i've came across replies under some guys' educational tweets by onlyfans girls with their explicit images and graphic caption. If we want to blame a gender we also shouldn't ignore the other gender. That's why blaming a gender shouldn't normalized it's just people. simply people. Not their labels.
And another thing is i've seen many women in their old age with young boys which they groomed obviously, are let loose but if the roles were reversed the men would be done by now. So many unfairness. If you want to voice out about one injustice give the energy to everything. Don't pick and choose. I get disgusted equally by both men and women who are terrible person. Because I judge by who they are as person than who they are as men/women.
It’s not just men. Women have stereotypes too. We’re labeled emotional, gold diggers, and more. The gender stereotypes run deep because that’s what society loves to talk about. And let’s be real, this hatred between groups has gotten so extreme. I’ve had good and bad experiences with both men and women, but you don’t see me bashing an entire gender for it. I’ve matured out of that cringey phase of thinking “I hate men” or whatever. Now, I see people for who they are, not the label they’re stuck with.
The same thing happens with race, especially here in Malaysia. We’ve got three major ethnic groups, Malay, Chinese, and Indian and yet, instead of seeing each other as just Malaysians, we stereotype each other to death. Malays are lazy, Chinese are greedy, Indians are troublemakers. These are the ridiculous things people say. Still, It's like we’re still stuck in some colonial-era mentality, holding onto these outdated, hurtful stereotypes that have no basis in reality. Every race gets painted with these broad strokes, even though we all know people who don’t fit the mold at all. Yet, we still make those quick judgments.
If we keep living by these stereotypes, it’s only going to get worse for future generations. They’ll inherit this toxic mindset, learning to see people through their labels rather than as individuals. We need to break that cycle or we’ll all lose our sense of self. Unfortunately, this cycle hasn’t broken, and people remain stuck in their upbringing even when it’s problematic, unable to think beyond it or question it.
But why do we keep falling into this?!
One reason is mental shortcuts. Our brains are wired to make quick judgments. When we meet someone new, our brain tries to categorize them as fast as possible. If they’re part of a group we already have an opinion about, thanks to media or upbringing, we just shove them into that mental “box.” It’s lazy thinking, but it’s also a survival mechanism from back in the day when humans had to quickly assess threats. Now where we don't need it anymore, though, it’s doing more harm than good.
Fear plays a big role too. We’re scared of the unfamiliar. If someone has a bad experience with one person from a group, they might generalize the whole group to protect themselves from future harm. It’s a way of staying “safe,” but taken to an extreme, it becomes harmful.
Then there’s social conditioning. From a young age, we’re taught to see the world through labels. It’s in the media, in jokes, in history books. EVERYWHERE. It becomes ingrained. Unless we actively unlearn these stereotypes, they stick with us.
There’s also group identity. We all want to belong (not me) and sometimes fitting into one group means rejecting others. When all your friends are saying “men are trash” or “women are objects,” it’s easy to just go along with it to fit in.
And let’s not forget social media (the culprit). Online spaces thrive on division. Polarizing content gets the most engagement and when one person has a bad experience and posts about it, hundreds of others chime in, creating an echo chamber that just reinforces stereotypes.
That is why I'm not interested in picking a side for ongoing conflicts around the world (you know what I'm talking about). People preaching “humanity” totally overlook other group of people going through same fate around the world. Because of how social media and media covering only a certain group everyone just following the bandwagon and voicing out for it as if their life depended on it as they're “the pinnacle of humanity” and totally ignoring other ongoing conflicts too.
This is not a competition who is suffering more have more spotlight. Wish well FOR ALL regardless their race and religion. Hating this one group when you know damn well there are also people who are decent and innocent in that group. Old people and newborn babies and some normal citizen who are just minding their business. This is why stereotypes and seeing people with their labels are harmful. Just lazy to do more research or afraid of what others will say.
Finally, blame. Generalizing gives us someone to blame when things go wrong. If you have a bad breakup (the most famous one), it’s easier to say “all men are trash” (And proceed to date another guy the next day) than to reflect on why things didn’t work out. It’s a way of coping but it’s not productive.
The irony is, by using these labels, we give up our individuality. We stop thinking deeply about people and their experiences and in doing so, we distance ourselves from each other and from who we really are.
What if we all just focused on being human first? Before identifying with labels, let’s remember that we’re all sharing this planet. Why the division? Why the boxes? We’re more alike than different. We’re not stuck in the past where horrible things were done based on these labels. We have the knowledge now to rise above it.
No matter how much we tell ourselves that our era is different, that we’re more open and free, we’re still in this cycle. We still follow rules set by society, thinking we’re better than others, even if it’s problematic. No one is being their true self because we’re all walking on eggshells, worried about what others will think.
And because of these people started to think, if this is how they see me, I might as well be it. An example for this is the division between rich and poor. This divide is far from something we can work on. It’s something we can’t change even if we tried. It’s always been like that—rich just being rich and poor just being poor.
This division isn’t just about money; it comes with a whole set of labels that shape how we see each other. Rich people often get painted as greedy or out of touch, while the poor are seen as lazy or irresponsible (now, they're victimized). These stereotypes are unfair. They simplify complex lives and ignore the real struggles that people face.
We need to see each other for who we really are, not just the labels society gives us. Every label has its good and bad and generalizing is unfair. Let’s break free from these stereotypes and embrace our individuality. By doing so, we can foster understanding and recognize that, underneath it all, WE'RE ALL JUST PEOPLE.
ps: I might sound like a hypocrite writing this because, like everyone else, I’ve stereotyped groups of people too. But I’m learning to break free from that mindset. I could label myself but I know you’d see me differently if you knew those labels. I don’t want that. I want to be seen for who I really am, beyond any label or box.
It’s the freedom to express who you really are, no matter what labels others try to stick on you.