we need a lil' pessimism
on why embracing a little pessimism can save your sanity in a world obsessed with optimism.
We often hear people say, “Don’t think negatively” or “Expect the best,” and while I get where they’re coming from, it feels a bit naive. Of course, we don't want negativity! like NO. But, life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, and “only positive” or “dreaming big” doesn’t guarantee that everything will turn out the way we want. The idea that you can “manifest” your desires into reality or that “the universe hears what you want” and grants it is, frankly, a bit of nonsense (you can disagree). Even hard work doesn’t always pay off, so how can anyone say that just wanting something or thinking positively all the time will guarantee you’ll get it? Sure, sometimes things happen the way we want, but it’s not because some cosmic force is paying special attention to us—we are not special! It’s just randomness. Sometimes, the odds are in our favor, and that’s it.
When we sit and think about it, things don’t happen just because you want them or wish for them or even work for them. Whatever happens, happens on its own terms, not to please or satisfy you. You might argue that many things you’ve wanted or “manifested” have come true. But that’s not the universe working in your favor—it’s just a coincidence, or maybe you were simply lucky. So, don’t put too much stock into anything. Instead, find a balance: be optimistic, but also leave a tiny room for pessimism.
Pessimism, is the expectation that things might not always go as planned. But it’s more than just expecting the worst; it’s about preparing yourself for any outcome, good or bad. We need balance in life. If you’re overly optimistic, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. On the other hand, if you’re too pessimistic, you might never take the risks necessary to succeed.
When there’s a chance something could go wrong, it’s wise to expect it and be ready to face it. Ignoring the possibility of failure for the sake of maintaining your peace of mind will only shatter that peace when things don’t go as expected.
We need to be realistic. I’m tired of seeing people preach about “only being optimistic” and avoiding negativity at all costs. I’ve never been one to radiate positivity, and I’m cautious about what I expect or want from life. I don't even expect anything just because I worked hard for it. I simply let it be. Because of this, I’ve rarely been disappointed. Also, I know my potential, but I still downplay it. (It doesn't mean i don't work for something I want) This might seem like self-deprecation, but it’s actually a defense mechanism. By not promising too much, I protect myself from the sting of failure or looks of judgement. People can’t say “I told you so” because I’ve already anticipated the worst along with the best. I make sure to say it loud sometimes. So, when things go wrong, I’m like, “Okay, I expected this.” It helps me stay sane. You might’ve heard me say, “I don’t write well.” It’s not self-deprecation; it’s kind of a shield (I’m still working on it. I don't ditch writing just because I say i'm not good at it). It’s my way of managing expectations—both mine and others. So, you won’t think of me as a loser if I was confident about something but didn’t meet your expectations. Since I’ve already mentioned that I don’t write very well, if my writing isn’t up to par, you probably expected it because I’ve said so before.
Because in today’s world, if you don’t back up your words with results, you’re done. It’s mentally unhealthy to always expect only the best and then be devastated when you get the worst. The shame that comes from unmet expectations will eat you alive. That’s why a little pessimism is essential. I’ve seen so many people preach about looking forward to good things only, completely ignoring the possibility that something might go wrong. When the opposite of what they expected happens, they’re devastated.
Maybe it’s just me being a lil’ pessimist, but I always expect both the best and the worst (a lil more). This mindset has served me well. I don’t get overly disappointed when things don’t go my way, and when they do, I’m surprised and obviously happy.
This brings us to an important point why we need a lil' pessimism: life isn’t fair, and outcomes don’t always reflect effort. Take Vincent van Gogh, one of the greatest artists. Despite his incredible talent, he spent most of his life in poverty and struggling with mental illness. His work only gained recognition after his death. He didn't get to witness his success. Van Gogh’s story isn’t one of the universe rewarding hard work and talent as it should be (as people say) It’s a reminder that life is random, and success or failure doesn’t always correlate with how much we want, deserve or work for something.
That’s why you still see some bad people getting what they want, while some good people don’t. Life is unfair. It’s not because the universe is picking and choosing who deserves what. It’s randomness at play. Sometimes the dice roll in your favor, and sometimes they don’t. The universe isn’t paying attention to who’s good or bad or who’s doing too much work or not; it’s just probability at work.
Picture this:
There are 8.2 billion people on Earth, each with their own desires. That’s 64 billion or even more different wishes floating around, all competing for a slice of reality. The probability of you getting exactly what you want is slim. It’s not that your hard work doesn’t matter. It’s just that in a world full of randomness, sometimes things go your way and sometimes they just… don’t.
This mindset applies to people, too. When you meet someone new, don’t just assume they’re all good. Maybe they’re 50% good, 50% bad until you get to know them better. That’s the safest bet. Don’t put all your trust in someone just because you’re trying to “stay positive.” That’s how you end up getting hurt when they turn out to be exact opposite of what you expected. You either meet good people or bad ones. Randomness. It's everywhere.
So, keep your expectations balanced. Expect the good and also the bad. Every coin has two sides, and so should our expectations. Be optimistic and also a lil pessimistic. Don’t buy into the superficial idea that positivity alone will bring you success. Sometimes, you don't. Life is random, and things happen for no other reason than that they happen. Recognize this, prepare for both good and bad outcomes, and you’ll find yourself much more at peace with whatever life presents or throws your way.
We need a lil’ pessimism here and there.
It’s like you read through my mind sometimes. This is yet another wonderfully written, thought-provoking article!
I wholeheartedly agree with you. We are bombarded with positive messages, but rarely are we taught how to deal with disappointment and rejection in an effective way.
Isn’t randomness a relief too? Knowing we can’t control everything should make us more relaxed and empathetic towards people who’ve been handed a few too many lemons. Bad things can happen to us. This should unite us and take away the sting of bad events.
Thank you for your writing. I always look forward to it! ❤️
yes totally agree lol, sometimes bad things happen and honestly we should see things as they are, because not everything is sunshine and rainbow. Love this post 💌😍