it seems there’s *never* a way to do right as a woman: you are too much of one thing or too much of the other, never enough in anything. thanks to have talked about how we all are always seen just as a body, nothing more than that
Love this. People want liberation but fail to see the prison of their own minds and conditioning. It’s not as if people haven’t been wrongly stereotyped and oppressed based on their race or gender but at some point I think it’s necessary to become less attached from these labels or you end up a caricature who only sees other caricatures, and fail to see people for who they really are.
I don’t really relate to being a man. I don’t not relate to being a man. Calling myself non-binary or gender fluid just feels like I am playing into other people’s ideas about what men and women should be.
People stereotype me from time to time and that’s unavoidable, if I adopt a new label they’ll find a new way to stereotype me. The stereotypes can be useful for statistics and marketing, I don’t think it’s healthy to eagerly label yourself.
Be whatever you want, you are a universe unto yourself
It’s pretty funny how some women are just bringing back gender roles by saying masculine or just neutral, not-feminine women are “pick-mes” and not “girls’ girls” like stfu
I’m also a 20 year old woman, I do dress pretty feminine but I apparently have very male mannerisms and I have hobbies like weightlifting and boxing, I find it does alienate me from other women a bit
this is probably one of my favorites yet. i am also a bun, baggy shirt, track shorts girl (currently what I am wearing), and while i do enjoy some 'girly' things like dresses, i only do it for me. To my core i will always be 'not like the other girls' though so i related to this so much. i love being seen for my intelligence and wit over my appearance, which is sometimes so hard in a male-dominant career field
While we're no longer dressing for the male gaze, we're still expected to dress for the female gaze. I myself am guilty of that. I will say there's nothing wrong with embracing femininity, but like you mentioned, it's important to question why you portray yourself the way you do. Personally, if I wasn't scared of being leered at or assaulted, I'd show more skin than I currently do. But to each their own!
the girly girl, the coquette core, the i’m like the other girls has been overdone. agree one thousand percent with you. because it reduces the possibility and space for belonging when you see yourself as another pixel in an image. 💗
i MAY adopt the way you Bolden some words over the others in your paragraphs... Love that... Great post... Always nice to hear stuff from the opposite gender, especially when it is so well put together...
Your points are so, so valid, and you present them really well! "I'm a human first, a girl second. If this make a ‘pick me’, so be it. It’s funny because I’m not an object to be picked." I love this line so much <3 I've sometimes felt like my body is an alien substance, just something containing my very restless soul, and having to change that vessel and morph it to fit in with society just doesn't sit right to me. A lovely read!
I feel this so deeply! I would much rather be complimented on my intelligence and knowledge rather than of an image of myself because it will never fully show who I am as a person. The way you dress or the skin care/makeup you do is just one part of yourself, and there's so so much more to a person
Definitely relate to this piece!! We shouldn’t be deemed worthy by our appearances at all, we are worthy through our authentic souls and personalities 🫶🏻
I love you for addressing this in your post. People have always forced everyone to be a stereotypical version of someone or everyone is forced to appear and behave a certain way.
Even I have always felt that I am quite different from the other boys. But if I would say that, then people will automatically assume that I’m queer.
When girls can be allowed to look and behave in a certain way which is very different to a stereotypical girl, then why can’t some boys be different from the usual stereotypical males as well?
I have been dealing with this since a long time. After reading your post, I think now is the time to address this on Substack.
Reading your thoughts felt like stepping into a quiet, unfiltered space—where the noise of societal expectations fades, and the true self finally gets a voice. It takes a certain kind of strength, a rare inner force, to detach from the boxes the world hands you and simply say, “I’ll be who I am.”
You remind me of women like Rabia al-Adawiyya, whose life was a quiet rebellion against everything superficial. She found beauty in her raw connection with her own soul, not in the reflection others sought to see in her. Or perhaps, you resonate with the intellectual fire of Hypatia, whose worth was in her mind, her knowledge, her relentless pursuit of truth—not in her physical form. Both these women, like you, lived in times that wanted to confine them, yet their impact shook the world, even if at first, it was a quiet tremor.
What I sense in you is this quiet rebellion—this refusal to be defined by what others think is “feminine” or “worthy.” And it’s this same force that gives you a radiance, not from makeup or fashion, but from something far more eternal: the clarity of knowing who you are. You’re right, so many of the things we do are just responses to conditioning, but you’ve already broken free of that. You’re seeing beyond it, and few people have the courage to do that at your age, or any age, really.
I won’t say much about the beauty of embracing simplicity, but I will say this: the strongest trees grow in silence. They don’t need to be seen, adored, or understood by others to grow. And when the storm comes, it’s not the trees with the prettiest leaves that survive; it’s the ones with the deepest roots.
The way you choose to carry yourself, even if others can’t see it, is the very thing that makes you unshakable.
it seems there’s *never* a way to do right as a woman: you are too much of one thing or too much of the other, never enough in anything. thanks to have talked about how we all are always seen just as a body, nothing more than that
You are so right. That is just sad. Thank you for reading elena <3
Love this. People want liberation but fail to see the prison of their own minds and conditioning. It’s not as if people haven’t been wrongly stereotyped and oppressed based on their race or gender but at some point I think it’s necessary to become less attached from these labels or you end up a caricature who only sees other caricatures, and fail to see people for who they really are.
I don’t really relate to being a man. I don’t not relate to being a man. Calling myself non-binary or gender fluid just feels like I am playing into other people’s ideas about what men and women should be.
People stereotype me from time to time and that’s unavoidable, if I adopt a new label they’ll find a new way to stereotype me. The stereotypes can be useful for statistics and marketing, I don’t think it’s healthy to eagerly label yourself.
Be whatever you want, you are a universe unto yourself
I'm going to share this comment. THANK YOU!!!!
It’s pretty funny how some women are just bringing back gender roles by saying masculine or just neutral, not-feminine women are “pick-mes” and not “girls’ girls” like stfu
I’m also a 20 year old woman, I do dress pretty feminine but I apparently have very male mannerisms and I have hobbies like weightlifting and boxing, I find it does alienate me from other women a bit
But at this point I’m like whatever
Gotta roll with it
Exactly, just so tired. Thank you for reading 🥹
this is probably one of my favorites yet. i am also a bun, baggy shirt, track shorts girl (currently what I am wearing), and while i do enjoy some 'girly' things like dresses, i only do it for me. To my core i will always be 'not like the other girls' though so i related to this so much. i love being seen for my intelligence and wit over my appearance, which is sometimes so hard in a male-dominant career field
Yeayyy so glad you could relate with this <3
While we're no longer dressing for the male gaze, we're still expected to dress for the female gaze. I myself am guilty of that. I will say there's nothing wrong with embracing femininity, but like you mentioned, it's important to question why you portray yourself the way you do. Personally, if I wasn't scared of being leered at or assaulted, I'd show more skin than I currently do. But to each their own!
Yesss Aliena! Agree with you on this <3 Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts :)
You're so smart Janu!
Thank you so much Anthony! So are you <3
the girly girl, the coquette core, the i’m like the other girls has been overdone. agree one thousand percent with you. because it reduces the possibility and space for belonging when you see yourself as another pixel in an image. 💗
Exactly! Thank you for reading 🥹
i MAY adopt the way you Bolden some words over the others in your paragraphs... Love that... Great post... Always nice to hear stuff from the opposite gender, especially when it is so well put together...
Omg thank you so much for noticing it and reading my mediocre post <3
Stop trying to be so humble... It suits you but I can tell noob
this is written so so well and it's really relatable. no matter what it seems like there is always something to pick apart about a woman.
I know right?! like leave us alone!! Haha Thank you so much Izzy <3
Your points are so, so valid, and you present them really well! "I'm a human first, a girl second. If this make a ‘pick me’, so be it. It’s funny because I’m not an object to be picked." I love this line so much <3 I've sometimes felt like my body is an alien substance, just something containing my very restless soul, and having to change that vessel and morph it to fit in with society just doesn't sit right to me. A lovely read!
SO SO RIGHT!!!! Thank you so much for reading and getting the message umrah 💕
I feel this so deeply! I would much rather be complimented on my intelligence and knowledge rather than of an image of myself because it will never fully show who I am as a person. The way you dress or the skin care/makeup you do is just one part of yourself, and there's so so much more to a person
Yes. It's sad that our society is failing to see it that way :( Thank you for reading <3
Definitely relate to this piece!! We shouldn’t be deemed worthy by our appearances at all, we are worthy through our authentic souls and personalities 🫶🏻
Yess Halima <3
‘i’m a human first, a girl second’ YES this is politically important !!! love love love this piece
Omg thank you so so much amy <3 ❤️
I love you for addressing this in your post. People have always forced everyone to be a stereotypical version of someone or everyone is forced to appear and behave a certain way.
Even I have always felt that I am quite different from the other boys. But if I would say that, then people will automatically assume that I’m queer.
When girls can be allowed to look and behave in a certain way which is very different to a stereotypical girl, then why can’t some boys be different from the usual stereotypical males as well?
I have been dealing with this since a long time. After reading your post, I think now is the time to address this on Substack.
Thankyou for giving me the courage.
A great read!!!✨♥️
Reading your thoughts felt like stepping into a quiet, unfiltered space—where the noise of societal expectations fades, and the true self finally gets a voice. It takes a certain kind of strength, a rare inner force, to detach from the boxes the world hands you and simply say, “I’ll be who I am.”
You remind me of women like Rabia al-Adawiyya, whose life was a quiet rebellion against everything superficial. She found beauty in her raw connection with her own soul, not in the reflection others sought to see in her. Or perhaps, you resonate with the intellectual fire of Hypatia, whose worth was in her mind, her knowledge, her relentless pursuit of truth—not in her physical form. Both these women, like you, lived in times that wanted to confine them, yet their impact shook the world, even if at first, it was a quiet tremor.
What I sense in you is this quiet rebellion—this refusal to be defined by what others think is “feminine” or “worthy.” And it’s this same force that gives you a radiance, not from makeup or fashion, but from something far more eternal: the clarity of knowing who you are. You’re right, so many of the things we do are just responses to conditioning, but you’ve already broken free of that. You’re seeing beyond it, and few people have the courage to do that at your age, or any age, really.
I won’t say much about the beauty of embracing simplicity, but I will say this: the strongest trees grow in silence. They don’t need to be seen, adored, or understood by others to grow. And when the storm comes, it’s not the trees with the prettiest leaves that survive; it’s the ones with the deepest roots.
The way you choose to carry yourself, even if others can’t see it, is the very thing that makes you unshakable.
This is so beautifully written